The Scotch Piper has stood on the same spot since 1320, which suggests that it serves a vital function. And it does. It serves the vital function of drinking. It doesn't offer food. It doesn't offer music. It doesn't offer games. It offers drink - and a sublime drinking environment. It's also a pub for all seasons. Sitting on the benches outside such a pretty picture postcard pub must be pretty hard to beat. About as hard to beat as sitting on a comfortable sofa in the pub's comfortable lounge in front of a roaring fire in winter. And so to the beer. Big Frank and I were in a bitter mood. We tried the Top Hat bitter and we tried the Burtonwood bitter. And we liked them both, so we kept switching between the two. The pub is also renowned for its Guinness (it serves the extra cold and the standard), and offers Labatts' lager, Burtonwood mild and Strongbow cider. Its small bar means that, apart from the bar staff feeling claustrophobic, punters have maximum standing (in the stone-floor bar area), maximum sitting (in the middle sitting and dart board room) and maximum lounging (in the lounge) room. "It's like sitting in a someone's house," said Big Frank, while lounging in the lounge. "Someone's very nice house." He wasn't wrong. The coal fire added to the homeliness. Close your eyes and you could have been in an idyllic country pub in an idyllic part of Ireland. But a word of warning. Being a near-700-year-old thatched inn, it has low, beamed ceilings, which were obviously compulsory interior design requirements in the 14th century. "Don't forget the beams and low ceilings," builders must have been told. "You can't expect people to bump their heads unless you have beams and low ceilings." Both Big Frank and I live about a 20-minute cab drive from The Scotch Piper, which really shouldn't be enough to stop us making occasional visits (as in more than twice in a decade). Its name, therefore, will be added to those previous pub column pubs which we are determined - having discovered or rediscovered them - to visit more often. Still haven't found what you're looking for? Then go and find The Scotch Piper Inn. DETAILS: The Scotch Piper, Southport Road, Lydiate Opening hours: Noon till 3pm and 5.30pm till 11pm Monday to Friday; Noon till 11pm on Saturday; Noon till 10.30pm on Sunday. Food: No. Music: No. No-smoking section: No. Can it be hired out? No. Toilets: Two (clean) toilets outside, which gives you the chance to get some fresh air in between pints. Facilities are being renovated and will - possibly from today! - include urinals. "But you'll still have to go outside!" says mine host Fred Rigby. Fruit machines: Ha ha ha (that's no). Fred adds: "And there's no children, no television, no central heating - and no bad language!" | 
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